Dead Nazis of the World Are...? 1. Just what the hell is a dead nazi anyway? A dead nazi is someone who was once upon a life, a member of the german national socialist party of varying degrees of nastiness, and is now reborn as you and me. Dead nazis come in all shapes, sizes, and flavors, we cook your meals, pump your gas, grade your tests and wait on you at the disney store. Many of us spend our days tailed by an inexplicable guilt, slouching through holocaust museums for a sign. Sometimes, we become talmud students. a dead nazi is also an alchoholic shot beverage. The local variety is a layered shot of Jagermiester and Rumpleminze. 2. How do you know if you're a dead nazi or not? Try a past life regression. If you scream and scream without going particularily far, you've got a good chance of having been a nazi once. I mean, it was only like, 60 years ago. Barring that, the appearance of these behaviors and signs in you or someone you love may indicate Dead nazi-ism: penchant for tall, black, flat-soled leather boots, unadorned (save perhaps with silver). inexplicable ease in German speech, understanding, and/or pronunciation. Obsessive and inexplicable feelings of haunting gloom and/or guilt. Obsessive research of WWII, German History, and/or the jewish religion, especially at a very young age. fondness for Jagermiester. Flinching at the sight of someone setting down a briefcase nearby. Associating Mickey Mouse with Hienrich Himmler. Preference for european cigarettes, and the operas of Wagner. clicking the heels when coming to attention. Holocaust museums feel masochistic, yet cathartic. An ability to read, and paraphrase in a sensible way, Mien Kampf. You Game. Especially Pendragon, Napoleonic wargaming, and/or anything having to do with the Knights templar. Neo Nazis and neo nazi propaganda inspire headaches and feelings of great age. Somewhere deep in your belly you expect Hitler to show up again. But /this/ time, things will be Different... Profound hesitation before following any order. This list is general, and usually applies to officers, higher eschelon men, the SS, and anyone who knew what was actually going on. The dead nazi clicking soldier is somewhat different. 3. There are different sorts of dead nazis? Uh huh. For example: dead general-- once you were Gobbells. Now you work at burger king. Poor you. dead SS-- Guilt on a stick. Now you're a jewish princess. Or a Webmaster with your own domain, at least semi-devoted to Gaming. You nerd. :) dead ensatzgruppen/concentration camp worker-- Guilt to the nth. Now you work in a new york deli, and go home at 4:30 every friday. dead field general-- mostly Gloom. You know that the Germans could have won, you know how, and you add 'not that that've been a good thing in the long run...' at the end of any such tirade. Because of unsurmountable Guilt, of course. You now work in a library, school, or holocaust museum. dead clicking soldier-- once a facist... no, no, I'm sure some of you have some Guilt, but you were Just Following Orders, after all. And you're /still/ a facist. dead Vichy French-- slightly watered Guilt, and a heckuva lot of Gloom. But only by comparison. Your job is boring, and you dabble in kabbalah. dead, a la Nuremberg-- White-washed guilt, some karmic debt being paid on the gibbet. You're probably in med school now. dead anti-Hitler conspirator-- yeah, yeah, go ahead, Lord it over the rest of us. So it didn't work, but you tried, dammit. Guilt, what guilt? 4. If you are a dead nazi, why advertise it? Because it is far better than being a live one. 5. What is the difference between a dead nazi and a live nazi? The obvious, meathead. 6. How about a dead nazi and a neo nazi? That's a little more like it. A dead nazi, as I have said, was a nazi in a previous life, and is now paying or playing off the karmic angst. Which I mean in the German 'fear-of-death' way. A neo nazi has more hair than brains, and is very likely new to the game; which is to say-- has never been a nazi before. Oh, I am sure there are some neo-nazis who are also dead nazis (see Dead Nazi Clicking Soldier in question 3 for a theory on that), but I don't think it is prevalent. Dead nazis are far more interested in ensuring that 'that unplesantness in the 30's and 40's' never ever happens again. One ruined lifetime being so much enough, thank you. 7. Ruined Lifetime, eh? You sound pretty broken up about the whole deal. Didn't you have any fun? Define 'fun.' But no, I cannot tell a lie, being alive and in power in the axis in the 30's and 40's wasn't all bad. No, not at all. There were big, soft pretzels to eat and pre-war bordeaux to drink, and lovely, sexy uniforms to wear and best of all... BOOTS. lovely black leather boots! And did I mention the boots? 8. Come on! There's got to have been more to it than that. Ja, Ja das ist true. There are sensible aspects to national socialism. If you don't love your country after all, what are you doing there? There's something distinctly attractive, yes, about pledging yourself to the cause of a man and letting him be always right for you. And theres a feeling, yes, a fervor, that can take hold of someone and carry them, make them better, more successful, more glorious than ever thought possible. Is that what you meant? 9. Well... I suppose, I guess so. But... If you ask me if that means I liked being a murderer, I'm going to throttle you. 10. ... Well, thou hast said it... ... Right, what about the camps, ja? 11. Well, Ja... I mean, yes! *sighs* all right. I think that the camps and the resources they consumed lost us the war. I think that without the holocaust, German conquest of Europe might have been complete. I think that there has never yet been a holocaust museum that could really capture the truth of the camps, that was powerful enough or clear enough. I don't think there could be, because there is no tasteful way to do it, it would have to be even more irreverent than, well... this site. Some things can only be dealt with off-hand, with humor, or else the layered on horror seems false and painted-on, and there are those who refuse to believe it. Is it so unbelievable? Outrageous things happen every day. Mundanity is hardly the rule, and abject cruelty... can the way it happened be said to make sense? Can anything so outre, really, take place in a sensible fasion? I think not. 12. I thought I was asking the questions here!? Can it, bucky. You're in Dead Nazi-land now. You'll ask questions when I tell you to ask questions. *shka-pow!* *clears throat* ahem, yes. <<